Last week, while out to lunch with friends, I commented that "No one should be more surprised that I'm a Christian than me". That's because, truth be told, I never set out to follow Jesus, and I can't say that I'm particularly all that great at following Jesus, either.
I did, though, set out to be a theologian. I started investigating the Christian faith as a young boy, and haven't been able -- no matter how much I had wanted or even tried -- to stop being a theologian.
Thomas Mann once said that a writer is simply someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.
I think that's true of theologians, too. I commented, as part of that same conversation last week, that mine is a "God haunted" life. I think that's because theologians are those people for whom the Christian faith is especially difficult, incomprehensible, infuriating. As a rule we aren't especially talented or spiritually adept individuals. We're people whose minds have been hurt by God, and we are restlessly searching for -- what? Healing perhaps, or catharsis? To expect so much from the study of theology would be futile or even dangerous. At any rate there's no lack of opportunities for theological catharsis: Often our worship services seem calculated to remove the difficulty of believing, to make God easy and accessible, more a cure than a wasting sickness.
Maybe this is why, as a theologian, following Jesus into the real world is the only thing that has made my life make sense. Maybe we should define a theologian as that follower of Jesus for whom even the Sunday worship service isn't catharsis of the hurtfulness of God.
That's why, as a general rule, theologians need our friends. Dietrich Bonhoeffer was able to resist Hitler's regime only to the extent that he was made by his friendships. Even Stan Hauerwas, in Hannah's Child, says that he is who he is and does what he does as a Christian only to the extent of his friendships.
This is why, as a general rule, it's also important to be kind to theologians. Not because we're necessarily exemplary personalities. Not because we necessarily know what we're talking about (trust me, we don't). Not because we are necessarily people of great faith (my faith isn't all that "great" to begin with). Instead, you should show us kindness because our faith is so weak and so vulnerable; because we are burdened by the difficulty of God; because we are driven to think about God the way some people are driven to drink. You should take care of your theologians the way you would care for the widow and the orphan.
I once heard Jurgen Moltmann remark in a lecture: "We are not theologians because we are particularly religious; we are theologians because in the face of this world we miss God".
Yup.
This doesn't mean that my theology takes place only in God's absence. I "miss" God in the world because God is revealed in the world, God is so devastatingly close in the world. I "miss" God because mine is a "God haunted" life. And it's in the deep intimacies of my friendships that true loneliness is revealed. Theology springs from this joy and loneliness of God's nearness.
Thus one of the proper goals of theology is not so much spiritual catharsis or intellectual mastery -- clearing up every difficulty so that one can sleep at night -- as the cultivation of theological friendships. Friendship sustains the difficulty of thinking about God. I warm myself by the fire of a friend's loneliness. God is near, and so we are lonely for God. Friendship is the small room in which we share together the loneliness and the joy of God's nearness.
I did, though, set out to be a theologian. I started investigating the Christian faith as a young boy, and haven't been able -- no matter how much I had wanted or even tried -- to stop being a theologian.
Thomas Mann once said that a writer is simply someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.
I think that's true of theologians, too. I commented, as part of that same conversation last week, that mine is a "God haunted" life. I think that's because theologians are those people for whom the Christian faith is especially difficult, incomprehensible, infuriating. As a rule we aren't especially talented or spiritually adept individuals. We're people whose minds have been hurt by God, and we are restlessly searching for -- what? Healing perhaps, or catharsis? To expect so much from the study of theology would be futile or even dangerous. At any rate there's no lack of opportunities for theological catharsis: Often our worship services seem calculated to remove the difficulty of believing, to make God easy and accessible, more a cure than a wasting sickness.
Maybe this is why, as a theologian, following Jesus into the real world is the only thing that has made my life make sense. Maybe we should define a theologian as that follower of Jesus for whom even the Sunday worship service isn't catharsis of the hurtfulness of God.
That's why, as a general rule, theologians need our friends. Dietrich Bonhoeffer was able to resist Hitler's regime only to the extent that he was made by his friendships. Even Stan Hauerwas, in Hannah's Child, says that he is who he is and does what he does as a Christian only to the extent of his friendships.
This is why, as a general rule, it's also important to be kind to theologians. Not because we're necessarily exemplary personalities. Not because we necessarily know what we're talking about (trust me, we don't). Not because we are necessarily people of great faith (my faith isn't all that "great" to begin with). Instead, you should show us kindness because our faith is so weak and so vulnerable; because we are burdened by the difficulty of God; because we are driven to think about God the way some people are driven to drink. You should take care of your theologians the way you would care for the widow and the orphan.
I once heard Jurgen Moltmann remark in a lecture: "We are not theologians because we are particularly religious; we are theologians because in the face of this world we miss God".
Yup.
This doesn't mean that my theology takes place only in God's absence. I "miss" God in the world because God is revealed in the world, God is so devastatingly close in the world. I "miss" God because mine is a "God haunted" life. And it's in the deep intimacies of my friendships that true loneliness is revealed. Theology springs from this joy and loneliness of God's nearness.
Thus one of the proper goals of theology is not so much spiritual catharsis or intellectual mastery -- clearing up every difficulty so that one can sleep at night -- as the cultivation of theological friendships. Friendship sustains the difficulty of thinking about God. I warm myself by the fire of a friend's loneliness. God is near, and so we are lonely for God. Friendship is the small room in which we share together the loneliness and the joy of God's nearness.