Having been in ordained ministry for 17 years, I know how thankless being a pastor can be.
Pastors know things that are painful to know. Pastors keep confidences, even though doing so often leads others to assume the worst. Pastors are routinely insulted, cussed out, lied about, lied to. Pastors face expectations that range from challenging to oppressive to depressing to maddening to ridiculous. Pastors have to make tough choices balancing individual needs and community needs, congregational needs and staff needs, not to mention their own needs and family's needs. Pastors are called in to deal with life's toughest realities: Death, divorce, illness, prison, domestic violence, drugs, racism. Pastors have to keep congregations of diverse folks together -- even when political campaigns and culture wars try and divide them. And I haven't even mentioned the challenges and responsibilities of prayer, study, and preaching.
Pastors live in webs of complicated relationships. If they become close friends with members, complications nearly always arise. If their only income comes from the church, complications nearly always arise. If they have multiple sources of income, problems always follow. If they engage in a political concern they care about, problems arise. If they don't, well ... you see the pattern.
Meanwhile, when unethical or unwell pastors do terrible things, all the good and healthy pastors become subject to increased scrutiny, if not outright cynicism.
No wonder pastors get worn down.
Statistically, 1 out of 3 will leave ministry within their first five years. Nearly 1 in 4 are pressured to resign at some point during their career. 33% say that being in ministry is an outright hazard for their family, but most especially a pastor's spouse. 40% of pastors and 47% of spouses express "burnout" from frantic schedules or outrageous expectations. 45% of pastors say they're depressed. 70% feel alone and without real friends. 75% report severe stress causing anguish, worry, bewilderment, anger, depression, fear, and alienation. 1,500 leave ministry every month.
These folks are nearly always too busy helping others that they almost never hear that small voice within them calling out for help.
I have been a pastor and a spiritual director to pastors, and nothing else -- nothing! -- I have ever done in life has been more difficult.
If you have a good pastor, be good to them. Let them know.
When others lob grenades of criticism, speak up for them. Write a note. Say a good word of encouragement. Pray for them. Support them however you can.
If you're a fellow pastor, doing good work for God and God's Kingdom: Thank you. Please take care of yourself. We need your work, and we need you. Your life and work truly, deeply, madly matter.