According to social psychologists, it's becoming easier to see our individual discipline and effort to be immune from the shortcomings we find in others. That this self-inflating moral bias is even stronger when it comes to moral judgments we make about others' behaviors. Culture, religious belief and experience all help shape a person's sense of moral standing in relation to others, psychologists say. According to this theory of the holier-than-thou effect, more moral behavior is related to situation than to character. So the problem with the effect is that we blame character flaws -- and then highlight those flaws -- over against our own kindnesses to self in the same situation.
According to psychologists, that's the only way to diminish the holier-than-thou effect: Share similar experiences.
I write often here about humility. My go-to definition for what humility is, is taken from Paul's principle: "Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand" (Phillipians 2).
Recently, I was accused of being holier-than-thou. As honest and familiar as I am with myself, I don't trust myself to defend against the claim. It's possible. Even probable. Whether I am or not is something to take up with those who know me best. That's to say, with my friends.
But one thing I want to highlight here: Humility gives us the ground to speak truthfully. To hold ourselves to account in our discipleship. When we're not speaking truthfully -- which isn't the same thing as speaking judgmentally! -- we're not being faithful. "Speak the truth in love" (Ephesians 4.15).
Such truthfully loving speech is meant to spark a growth in Christ: " ... (so that) we may grow up in him". It is, therefore, a humble speech that puts my sisters and brothers ahead of myself.
This truthful speech isn't to be holier-than-thou. It's a corporate holiness. It's a conformity into Jesus, "from whom the whole body (of the Church), joined and knitted together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body's growth in building itself up in love" (Eph 4.16).
In humility, therefore, I submit myself to others, even as they mutually submit to me (Eph 4.1-3). Sure, I'm capable of being holier-than-thou. But having walked in the church's shoes of service, I know how rough it can be. So I guard against it as much as I can. And my friends know to call me on it.
But to deflect a genuine speaking of the loving truth by being dismissive? That's pride. And it's the same pride that led Adam to insist on his way over God's way.